In social psychology, reciprocity is a social norm of responding to a positive action with another positive action, rewarding kind actions. As a social construct, reciprocity means that in response to friendly actions, people are frequently much nicer and much more cooperative than predicted by the self-interest model; conversely, in response to hostile actions they are frequently much more nasty and even brutal. (Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reciprocity_(social_psychology)
I felt inspired to write about this topic by my stepson, because of his very obvious lack of reciprocity. So it got me thinking is it something we do naturally or do we have to be coached and trained to act in a reciprocal way towards our family, friends, colleagues and/or strangers?
When children who live with their parents for possibly over 20 years have had everything provided for them, I believe it’s really quite tough for them to make the transition to seeing the need to return the favour for all the services that are provided to them free of charge for many years. I know we should not be viewing this as some sort of transaction and you would hope that your child will eventually realise that they should contribute to the household in many different and selfless ways.
But what if they do not have any inkling that this is something they should be doing and even when you ask on a number of occasions in a gentle and persuasive manner that their contribution would really be appreciated, but they still refuse to do anything, what is the correct and supportive strategy?
The Three Musketeers — Michael & Josh #dailycartoon
The West has declared war on Syria. Macron, May and Trump agreed and have taken action against the tyrant Assad following a chemical attack on Syrian’s citizens. We drew this in the morning of the day that the attack took place. We didn’t know for sure that the three of them would actually take action.
Can we still trust our journalists? We’re all exposed to news, whether on TV, the web, social media, newspapers and digital news. But how do we know that anyone is actually telling the truth?
Everyone is desperate to get more eyes on their publications and in the main this is for one single reason. Advertisers revenue. Advertisers revenue is how news channels survive. Sure the BBC may be an exception to that rule and after all everyone with a TV, probably most these days has to be a licence for the privilege to watch the BBC.
So apart from them (BBC) everyone else needs to earn a revenue in order to pay their workers and keep them in jobs. So desperate are news channels these days that they are probably willing to risk a few bad stories in order to pull in the punters.
Dr. Jamie Whyte is a Director of Research at The Institute of Economic Affairs (IEA), a free market think tank, based in London and his TEDxWarwick 2018 talk was very revealing. A news channel in Germany have already been fined for their fake news.
Mind Map created by me after attending TEDx Warwick 2018
They need to prove to their advertisers that their site or publication is the most active or popular in terms of eyeballs and as such they will need to get those punters (us) into their world.
There’s nothing better than a well thought out and sensational headline to grab our attention. We think we’re just clicking through to an innocent and factual story but in fact we’re all pulled into an advertising multi billion industry that pays many workers to keep spewing out garbage every single day.
Tony Robbins becoming the student — Michael & Josh #dailycartoon
Tony Robbins (also from Netflix — ‘I’m Not Your Guru’ — fame), made an error of judgement and suggested that the #metoo movement were looking for significance. He apologised on Facebook stating that sometimes, the teacher has to become the student. This was such a time. It inspired our latest cartoon and takes him back to the beginning by doing his own firewalk.
Accusing people of things can get you into all sorts of trouble. I’ve done it many times and I’m sure you have too.
For starters we do not have any understanding of people’s back story do we? I will mention just one example that happened to me recently and I have many more.
I received a connection request on LinkedIn from someone I don’t know. A week later I received an email suggesting that I’ve been added to his list. I challenged it and gave him all my ‘ego’ reasons why he shouldn’t be doing this. He came back and told me a story that said that his material probably saved 3 people from committing suicide. Gulp!
I didn’t know this back story but he also didn’t use his story in his initial email. Had he used it, I probably would have just unsubscribed and not said anything else further.
“A man points his index finger directly at the camera.” by Adi Goldstein on Unsplash
Tony Robbins was recently accused of something he did with a participant at one of his UPW events. I didn’t join the abuse online that followed it although I did believe he had made an error in judgement. Now, I’ve attended many of Tony’s events and I know he has the highest regard for his participants. Why did he misjudge the situation, why did he make such a misjudgement or was he just misunderstood?
We’ll probably never know but one thing’s for sure we are all still learning and growing even well into retirement and beyond.
Reacting and accusing people we do or do not know is something called System 1 thinking. System 2 is waiting, holding back and assessing the situation, examine the thoughts that are coming up for you and reflecting on the situation before jumping in with our ego and accusing someone of something that probably isn’t even true. Better to ask a question to learn more about their motives.
So my question in the future when receiving unsolicited emails from strangers who have added me to a mailing list will potentially be; ‘Thanks, I was wondering was there any particular purpose you were thinking of when you added me to your mailing list? It would really help me to decided whether to unsubscribe or not.’ Thanks for your help.
Boris Johnson and Jeremy Corbyn — Michael & Josh — #dailycartoon
Boris Johnson (UK’s foreign secretary) accused Jeremy Corbyn (UK’s labour leader) of being useful idiot. It’s fascinating, because Boris portrays himself in the media as a bit of an idiot. What example are these leaders showing young people that it’s okay to call each other names? It inspired our latest cartoon.
Alexander Nix, Mark Zuckerberg, Hogwarts and 87 million data — Michael & Josh #dailycartoon
Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg confirmed to our amazement that actually 87 million people’s data (1 million Brits) were sucked away from them by Alexander Nix and co at #cambridgeanalytica. The story is growing into a modern day Harry Potter that even J K Rowling would be proud of. It inspired our latest cartoon.
There are so many ways to communicate with people via the web these days, that it’s becoming increasingly difficult to decide which method to use.
Most of our contacts are in at least 3 different locations. Probably Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Then there’s also Instagram and Snapchat. That last one depends on how old you are, so forget that one for the purpose of this article.
Do you send them a) an old-fashioned text message b) a Facebook messenger c) direct message them on twitter or message them on LinkedIn. Not sure we do many on instagram at all, I’m just the wrong age group.
Well it all depends if you have their phone number or not.
So here’s my approach these days.
a) if I have their number and they are in the UK, send them a text message. It’s likely that this service is always left on in terms of notifications. b) if you don’t have their number and you are connected on LinkedIn, message them there. The chances are that they haven’t switched off notifications for that. c) failing that use normal email or phone/Skype them!
It still doesn’t sound simple does it.
To be honest all I want is a simple life and all those social networks have made it increasingly cumbersome and not efficient. Remember when they said that technology would make our life’s simpler and we would be able to spend more time with our families and friends? Well the opposite has actually happened. If you haven’t already lost your teenage son in his online gaming and your teenage daughter in snapchat world then you probably will lose them in a different platform that hasn’t been invented yet.
I watched Stephen Fry on Netflix in his one-man show to launch his book called ‘More Fool Me’. It was a fantastic show of storytelling and anecdotes of his family, his life, the ups and downs and the ridiculous. Of course Stephen’s knowledge is incredible and he shared many interesting facts.
There was one fact though that stood out for me and that was the very simple fact that most of do not know the names of our great grandparents. Wow, I thought, is he really true? So I put it to the test with my own family and he was 100% correct, I really do not know the names of my great grandparents. I don’t even know the proper names of some of my grandparents, what’s wrong with me!
Well a few of them died before I was born, that’s grandparents and my parents never really spoke about them, let alone speak about their own grandparents. I definitely feel I missed out somehow or did I?
It’s a shame that we’re so caught up in life’s stuff that we don’t even know our great grandparents’ names. So now I’m on a mission to find out their names. There are a few relatives still alive who I can ask, I’d better be quick, because you never know what might happen to them and then the info is lost.
I know these websites exist that you have to pay for to find your ancestors, but I’m not keen to share my personal data there, as who knows whose going to be hacking in to those in years to come.
And I know I have a chart somewhere that my father worked on during World War II, when he was hiding in an attic from the Germans, yes that really happened, he spent his teenage years in hiding. whilst he was in hiding he did do some work on researching his ancestors.
Xi Jinping and Donald Trump standoff trade wars — Michael & Josh #dailycartoon
The US and China have gone all out on the trade wars. Early March #Trump felt it would be an easy #win. It’s not turning out such an easy win. Go figure! China has released a list of 106 US products which will incur a new 25% tariff (unless Donald Trump backs down). The spat inspired our latest cartoon.
You can understand why the US wants to protect it’s own manufacturing base but it somehow looks like it’s too late now. Sure Trump will have a go, but likely the US economy will suffer. China will show it’s might.
I’ve been reflecting quite a bit on the #metoo movement, where men and women are calling for an end to sexual harassment and abuse. And about time too.
I know both sexes can be accused of being perpetrators in this and although I wouldn’t wish to take sides, I am siding with women more so. Why?
I’m not sure, maybe I sense that they haven’t had a voice and haven’t been heard, they’ve been afraid that they wouldn’t be believed and that their stories would be ignored.
There are days when I feel embarrassed to be a man, I am truly angry and disgusted to think that my fellow man has had it within himself to carry out these crimes against women. I sense the pain that women are going or have gone through and I wish I could do something to help and stop it happening.
Unfortunately the truth is that it carries on every single day and we have no idea, because many women still don’t speak out about it. It is unacceptable and it has always been unacceptable and somehow millions of men are getting away with it every day. I know women get away with it too.
Men all over the world that agree that this has to stop forever, need to take a stance and when they witness or sense there is a perpetrator around women, we must confront them and tell them they have to stop. We must all be leaders in this and if we as men can not stand up for women and men of course, who are being abused then we really can not call ourselves men.
We must report it, regardless of how small the incident may be. Even the manner in which some men talk about women, maybe how they complain or sexualise women, we must tell them that it’s no longer acceptable. We may lose friends as a result, we may make some enemies, but we must stay firm in the belief that this is no longer acceptable.
Maybe us men that feel the same should start a new hashtag and start exposing the abusers and help them to feel differently about women and stop the abuse.
William The Conqueror defeats King Harold in 1066 — Michael & Josh — #dailycartoon
In one year’s time the UK will leave the EU (Brexit). I listened to a radio programme on the BBC and it shared a couple of history lessons. One of those was the story of William the Conqueror, a Norman from France, who at the Battle of Hastings in 1066 defeated King Harold and became King. So, if you were to begin by asking, in Monty Python style, “What have the Normans ever done for us?” Without the Norman Conquest, Shakespeare would not have been Shakespeare, because his language would have resembled 16th-century German or Dutch.
As I get older I have noticed that I’ve become less trusting and more suspicious of strangers, their motives and their communication. I will readily challenge unsolicited emails I receive, ask deep and probing questions on how they found my email address and why they are sending me marketing emails that I had not asked for.
Here’s an example. Note that this was the 2nd email I received. I had junked the previous one, hoping he wouldn’t follow-up, but follow-up he did.
Hello Michael,
I hope you are doing well.
Did you have the chance to take a look at my previous email?
Would you be interested in an opportunity to accelerate and automate Staying Alive (UK) Ltd’s Influencer Marketing processes?
I would love to learn a bit more about your day to day process finding and managing influencers and see how (company name) can help you save time and energy.
When can we plan a call to address these matters? Or, if you are not in charge of this topic, could you please forward my email?
Have a great day, — Thomas
I decided to dig deeper after receiving this 2nd email;
Thomas thanks for your emails. I regret to say that I’m not keen in influencer marketing processes, it’s just another way to sell stuff to consumers that they do not need. But thank you for thinking of me and please remove me from your future correspondence. One heads-up for you, it actually is illegal in Europe not to have an unsubscribe button on your emails, I have no idea what system you are using, but please be aware when you are emailing your prospects in Europe, it could cause you some issues and potential financial fines if reported. Success with your campaign and please remember to remove me from your list. I appreciate it.
ps. How did you manage to locate my email address by the way? It would help me to understand this. Thanks!
His response;
Hello Michael,
Thank you for your reply. I obtained your email through LinkedIn. The reason we do not include an unsubscribe button in our emails are because they are not marketing emails, i.e. newsletters, but rather proactive solicitations to initiate a discussion about a delimited topic.
Either way, you will not receive any more emails from us, given that replying positively or negatively accounts for an unsub request.
Wishing you a great day,
Best,
I could have left it at that but I didn’t, I started further probing, challenging and maybe even being passive aggressive in my stance with him, see below;
Thanks Thomas I appreciate your response. So I’m curious because we’re not connected and therefore how did you see my email address on LinkedIn?
Thanks for helping me uncover a glitch in the system?
I’m sorry to disagree with you, your emails most certainly come across as sales/marketing your services, it is actually quite obvious. In your email you are asking me “how [company name] can help you save time and energy.” That for me is a sales proposition Thomas.
Now if you had connected to me on LinkedIn and started a low level conversation by sharing some content, I might have reacted differently.
Get an unsolicited email from someone you don’t know and there is a repeat email that chases a response for me is most definitely marketing, sorry.
Success!
Needless to say, I have not yet had a response to that last email and I suspect I probably will not. I do understand why he’s trying to say it’s not marketing, because he’s been taught that newsletters are marketing and a sales email is not marketing, well, I most definitely disagree. Sales, marketing it’s all the same these days.
And then the feeling came up in me that I want to report this guy to LinkedIn. How is he scraping emails from LinkedIn when we’re not even connected, maybe I am connected to another employee or hacker somewhere. So from this point onwards I feel I should be less trusting of people inviting me to connect on LinkedIn, they never personalise their invites, so I could be accepting the next email list builder by accident.
Am I the only one feeling this way? With the Facebook scandal continuing to brew, maybe I’ve become more paranoid. Then today I also heard about a data breach on an exercise app and people’s details being stolen.
This internet is not working out as well as we thought is it?
Putin with Russian Dolls — Michael & Josh #dailycartoon
140 of Putin’s diplomats have been expelled from Russian embassies around the world. Have we ever considered those Russian dolls they’ve left behind?
All I could imagine is those diplomats leaving duplicates of themselves behind in embassises, so we may have expelled 140, but there’s probably 3 or 4 times that amount left in the embassies and we don’t have a clue.
The world is angry with Facebook and rightly so. It may not happen straight away, but we may have seen the gradual and ultimate demise of Facebook over the next few years. It’s not just the Cambridge Analytica story that’s causing it.
Most people are realising that Facebook is a total time-suck. You lose yourself in the Rabbit Hole, never to come out. You stop speaking to people and avoid having real conversations that matter.
I stopped on Facebook, I haven’t deleted my profile, but maybe one day I will. My mind is so much better off as a result.
Down the Rabbithole — Michael & Josh
What gets to me now is not only the manipulation of the social media platforms, also the manipulation of marketers using those platforms.
I can now see the wording, the language, the videos, the NLP, basically the brainwash that’s taking place across the board. I’m worried for us all. Capitalism, consumerism, growth, GDP’s, nationalism, plastics, money, all of it is making us greedy, corrupt and wish to take rather then give.
A human wants to help her fellow human, but not at any cost, not telling her that I’m better than anyone else, surely?
That is what’s happening at the moment. When I read LinkedIn profiles I am astounded how people promote themselves as the biggest this the best at that, showing off awards, so-called corporates to have worked with, testimonials and also sorts of gimmicks, tricks and magic. It’s making me feel quite nauseous when I read them.
Elon Musk & Facebook — Michael & Josh #dailycartoon
The Facebook anti-trust saga continues. Elon Musk took down his company fan pages (SpaceX and Tesla) removing 5 millions fans in the process. He tried to send a Facebook satellite into orbit in 2016 but the rocket exploded at launch. I’m not sure he will be trying again do you?
I recently had a LinkedIn connection rage-quit on me. He disconnected from me on LinkedIn because he felt my free advice was not the advice he was looking for and he also felt that when I referred him to a contact who might be able to help also wasted his time.
So he asked to connect to me, with a personalised invite I will add. Nobody sends those these days and therefore he stood out for me and I gladly and willingly accepted. His question in the invitation was;
Hello Michael,
My name is …. I have some questions and need your help.
I respond to every single invitation I receive and every new connection receives a link to a hidden page on my website with some free stuff, including a 13-hour LinkedIn video course, which took me 12 months to create. I also welcomed whatever question he wanted to ask, adding that if I wasn’t able to assist him, I was sure to know someone else who might be able to.
Question 2 from my new friendly connection;
I am trying to get my business off the ground but I don’t know if my personal brand story that I paid someone to write is good enough that describes me and what I stand for.
I then shared with him some text I had written for someone who has a similar role and he never said thank you, then proceeded with sharing his signature speech (sentence). It took a day for me to respond back to that and before I could respond he said;
So your not going to help me anymore?
I then created a google doc with my sentence and his and suggested that we worked on it together. All free of charge by the way, I never asked for any money.
Again no thank you, just coming back with push-back to what I had suggested. He then shared a video by Donald Miller, see below, not bad.
But he wasn’t doing anything so I encouraged him with;
My suggestion is keep working at it. You write the next one okay?
And then this came back;
Thanks anyway, I will just do this with no support and help from anyone anymore. As I just don’t care anymore. I just won’t help anyone anymore every time they come to me and want my help. That is what the problem with everyone they care about just making money. I blame you for wasting my time recommending me to (contact name).
The Borg and Zuckerber — Michael & Josh #dailycartoon
So trying to come up with the next instalment of Mark Zuckerberg Facebook and Alexander Nix of Cambridge Analytica. You must have been a fan of Star Trek to get this one. Remember The Borg? #resistanceisfutile — So The Borg (Alexander Nix and Cambridge Analytica) visits Mark Zuckerberg and The Zuck is begging for the data, but as you can see it’s too late.
Side note: earlier I tagged Jeff Weiner of LinkedIn asking why Cambridge Analytica still have a company page on LinkedIn, as I was able to tag them in previous posts. Just tried and the company page has gone! Happy days!
Even the name Cambridge Analytica gives me the creeps. Cambridge obviously is a famous University in England and has a great standing, after all some famous people were students there.
So using the University town’s name in your business title is a clever move. It just feels reputable and very knowledgable. Add a bit of Harry Potter sparkle by adding the word ‘Analytica’ and it sounds like a spell straight out of one of J.K. Rowling’s novels.
And indeed it was a spell and everyone fell for it, most of all us the citizens of the world that have handed over all our personal details, so freely and trustingly to the biggest data farm in the world, Facebook.
Of course you will get companies farming that data, scraping it and utilising it to their own benefit. And Facebook allowed you to grab the data with those amazing apps you could create. They’re the ones that you again so freely trusted, signing up to them because they looked and sounded so enticing. Everyone wants to know about their personality, their match partner and many other schemes to hand over your data.
Maybe, just maybe we will be wiser next time, although I doubt it. On a Radio programme I heard a young person interviewed saying how much she loves her social media and that she’s on it all the time, as are all her friends too. It seems almost inconceivable that something we’re so addicted to, we’ll ever going to leave behind.
“Face me I face you white neon sign at work on dark background, Phoenix Art Museum” by Dayne Topkin on Unsplash
Don’t get me wrong it does a lot of good in the world too, whole communities (tribes) can stay in touch with each other on topics they enjoy. Indeed Zuck (short for Mark Zuckerberg) even went on a tour to talk to communities in the real world and get them to speak openly about how much they have benefitted from Facebook. Very clever Mr Zuckerberg, very clever to get people on-side this way, pulling them in even further, ever deeper.
And why didn’t you come to the EU Zuck? Because you know we don’t trust you anymore, you know that we’ll be after you and your schemes and expose them.
Actually Governments love Facebook, that’s why they’ve gotten away with billions of tax dollars and pounds. Governments can get data on individuals like they’ve never been able to before.
Just watch the TV series ‘Hunted’ and you will see how those intelligence experts can grab data from Facebook in just a few clicks. We’re the stupid ones, we’re the ones that fell for Zuck’s web of deceit and manipulation. He cleverly pulled us in and make us feel secure and maybe even loved by the Facebook family.
As I said in a previous article I call myself a straight talking Dutchman and often find myself giving feedback to members on LinkedIn who ask to connect to me. It’s always meant with the greatest intention and often it can come across as being critical. So I’m sticking with the theme and want to go a little bit more in depth on this.
By far what I witness on social is self-congratulatory language, especially LinkedIn.
‘The contributors are smug. It’s like Facebook without the jokes. It’s a breeding ground for envy. It isn’t healthy to spend your whole life comparing yourself to other people.’
Initially I felt like he might be attacking me and I because his language was quite direct and very very honest, maybe it wasn’t a good thing to approve the comment to be shown on my blog.
“A black-and-white shot of people sitting on stools at a long table” by Samuel Zeller on Unsplash
Seeing as I hardly receive any comments on my blog and after reading his comments a few times, I concluded that actually there is a lot of truth in his statement. People are smug on LinkedIn, it is a breeding ground for envy and people do compare themselves with others.
One of the bits of feedback I give is on people’s profile photos. See, I believe they need to look professional, a head and shoulders shot, produced by a professional photographer and when I see folks with their kids, drinking alcohol, being on holiday, on a stage, showing off with a headset microphone or anything else equally at home on Facebook I say NO! Sort out your profile photo, you look ridiculous. Judging again!
Often people come back to me and say, well I’m not doing so bad and I have more connections then you after all’s who are you to tell me what I should and shouldn’t do. Not exactly those words, but pretty much the same.
I do believe social has become all about ‘look at me’, look how great I am, look at my achievements, if you don’t hire me either as an employee or as someone to solve your business issues then you are off your head, because actually I am the best thing you will ever find on here. I see no humbleness any more and don’t even get me started on the videos and adverts people post. Yuk!
